i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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