he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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