Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
