i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize