oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
