Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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