Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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