You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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