what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
