I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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