Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
