Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
