the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
