Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize