at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize