I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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