I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Screwed.edu
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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