Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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