Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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