I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
