and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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