you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
