yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My vagina is officially offended.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
