I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
