you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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