Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
