It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
