you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
