so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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