Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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