can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
