:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
