I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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