she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
