see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
