I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
