new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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