Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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