I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
