um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
