I'm gonna have a badass scar
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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