You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize