Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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