I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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