this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
