i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
too bad you live with your parents still
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize