were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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