Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
