wrigley field is MILF paradise
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
