Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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