i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
