Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
