LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
