We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
