I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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