This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
