you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
