I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
