2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
