Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
