I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
