Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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