drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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